Style or Vile? The Necktie

The necktie can actually be dated back to the first emperor of China who made his soldiers wear them when they were being used as models for the now famous Terra Cotta Warriors. It was a symbol of honor for the soldiers and designated them as the lord’s protectors until the end of time. Pretty sweet promotion right? Get a silk tie and you’re enslaved for eternity…

Ok so maybe the use of ties hasn’t evolved that much since then, although the medium is somewhat changed. Back then if you wore a tie it’s because you were a bad ass that had cut off the heads of your enemies. Now it represents the illusion of what we call “professionalism”. I mention this because, as a cube-jockey, I am expected to be a professional every day that I come in. Somehow though, doing a good job and being responsible isn’t enough. I have to wear the most outdated style of clothing history has ever known. I know its ironic that I am writing this while wearing a tie and pretending to be “professional” so I decided to be brief and compile a list of ten reasons I hate neckties.

The Windsor knot is the most useless knot ever discovered

In hand-to-hand combat, a tie is just liability

No matter how hard I try, the tie never seems to be the right length when I’m done tying it

Clip-ons, enough said

Gets in the way when you: eat, go to the bathroom, etc…

I work with machines and my tie has gotten pulled in more than once

How do you wash a tie anyways?

Unless you’re in an office, people assume you’re a salesman

Its just another thing you have to worry about when getting dressed

When a tie is knotted, it’s about 2 feet long. The ceiling in my office is about 3 feet taller than me….great

*Side-note: As I was finishing this article my friend Lauren called me and told me that ties look sexy on guys.

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Ok maybe they aren’t all that awful.