Jesus’s Facebook Profile.
Name: Jesus H. Christ
Networks: Ancient Israel, Heaven
Interested in: People
Looking for: Friendship
Whatever I can get
Political Views: Pro-Caesar
Religious Views: It’s complicated.
Top Friends: Saint Peter, Saint John, Judas Iscariot
Groups: Major Religious Figures, I’m With God, There Were Just So Many Fish and Loaves, My Mom Is A Forty-Year Old Virgin, I Just Tried To Ford The River and My Fucking Oxen Died, Stop Inviting Me To Join Your Groups, Enough With The PokingLet’s Just Have Sex Already.
Vampires Vs. Werewolves:
Status: Jesus is a Level 0 Werewolf.He has bitten no one.
Judas Iscariot tagged Jesus in a photo.
Saint Peter tagged Jesus in a photo.
Jesus is no longer in a relationship.
Jesus changed his profile picture.
Activities: praying, saving souls, forgiving people, fighting Satan, chilling
Interests: origami, world peace
Favorite Music: Nine Inch Nails, Judas Priest
Favorite TV Shows: Battlestar Galactica
Favorite Movies: Chariots of Fire, The Ten Commandments, Star Wars.
Favorite Books: TI-83 Instruction manual, the Torah, pretty much anything that has a good story and lots of words in it
Favorite Quotes: “I can see!I can see!” –This blind guy that I cured with my touch
“I can walk!” –This lame guy, whom I also cured
“Darn you, Jesus!” –Satan
About Me: I love you.
My Purity Test:
Jesus’s Purity Rating is: 100%.
The Wall (Displaying 5 of 777 posts):
Judas Iscariot (Ancient Israel): we need to talk.
Saint Peter (Ancient Israel): hey, i saw what U wrote on John’s wall. U are so AWESOME, and I mean that literally.
Judas Iscariot (Ancient Israel): 30 pieces of silver! I know, crazy, right?
Judas Iscariot (Ancient Israel): i’m cluttering your wall! hey, disciples, check out who’s writing on JC’s wall! that’s right, me, bitches!
Mary Magdalen (Ancient Israel): haha awesome, I love the new pic. call me!