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“Your hard drive might need reformatting.”
“Do you have virus protection?”
“…and moisture or penetration in the system could cause . . .”
“Let’s take a look at your operating system.”
“Your drive is readable.”
“I’d increase your RAM speed.”
“Your Firewire port has gone bad.”
“See, do you see how your motherboard has a slot that it will fit right into?”
“Okay, so we’ll back it up onto your external hard drive.”
Then they told me it would cost one hundred and fifty-nine dollars to transfer all the data on the readable hard drive of my old laptop to my new one. As soon as I heard the words “one hundred and-” my hackneyed, geek-themed sexual fantasies ended and I dried up like an Israeli desert. I went home and took my hard drive into my own hands. I ended up finishing the job myself for only $19.99 with an enclosure thing. I’m cheap, but I get it done.
Speaking of taking my hard drive into my own hands. . .
here are some things I said to my boyfriend last night in an attempt to get him to stop playing the new Madden football game.
“Those virtual players will NEVER blow you.”
“Mmmm high-tech football video games that look super realistic make me soooo horny.”
“Fantasy Challenge, I’ll give you a Fantasy Challenge.”
“Cunt pussy cunt twat pussy cunt twat…RIGHT HERE!”*
*I’m now banned from being in the living room while he's playing Madden. . .with his friends . . .and some of his family members. Which isn’t surprising since last year I was banned from watching live football with him entirely. But that’s a whole other article.