5 Stages of Playing a Carnival Basketball Game

Are you kidding me, 5 shots for 5 bucks and I get to stand this close? Piece of f*cking cake, dude. I’m going to win that enormous Panda and impress the sh*t out of Jessica right over there. Finally, a reason to talk to her. She’s honestly going to have an orgasm when I sink this shot on the first try.

1st Shot: Oh man that was close. Not to worry, still got 4 shots to sink this bad boy. Jessica probably wants me to mount her right now. Looking so bad ass. Is she watching? These stuffed animals are sick.

2nd Shot: Slipped. Damn that wasn’t even close. Whatever, whatever. 3 shots left to sink this. Come on man, you made the varsity basketball team as a sophomore for God’s sake. Only, like, 4 other kids did that. I want that God damn panda. Win the Panda, win Jessica’s vagina.

3rd Shot: This thing is rigged. Obviously it’s rigged. But I’m better than the rigged hoop. I can make this shot into a beaker. I’m good. I’m good. Jessica isn’t even paying attention right now. God she’s hot. Fuck this, the Panda is mine, I’m the one shooting the balls.

4th Shot: Brick. Fuck. Give me the last ball. I’m aware it’s my last shot, no need to announce it. Jessica is talking to two other guys at this point. Holy shit she’s hot. I should have played the dart game, I’m so sick at darts.

5th Shot: Fuck it. I don’t need a stupid Panda. Where is Jessica? Ok, she’s walking away with someone, I’d know that ass from a mile away. Ok, gotta try something drastic now. What? Pandas. Right. 5 more, please.