- Order blooming onion with French dip.
- Make hilarious comment to cute waitress about your anticipated bad breath.
- Smirk sheepishly as cute waitress giggles at the self-deprecating humor of her new customer.
Drinks
- Order 5 Bud Lights for yourself and friends.
- Follow up with fantastic, “Now that we’ve got me out of the way, what will the rest of you be drinking?!” line.
- Wait for universal laughter from friends; flirtatious, This guy likes to party glance from cute waitress.
Dinner
- Order Pizza Burger (Deluxe).
- Wait for cute waitress to finish taking orders; shout “Spank you very much!” in Ace Ventura voice.
- Graciously accept compliments on your uncanny Jim Carrey impersonation from friends; slip Sam Adams coaster with cute waitress’s phone number into pocket. (ALLLL RIGHTY THEN!)
Dessert
- Order Reese’s “Peanut Butter Cup Explosion Sunday” cake
- When it arrives, smear dessert across face while shouting “Me like cakey! Me like cakey!”
- Bask in uproarious, side-splitting laughter from friends while cute waitress discreetly rubs your erection through blue jeans.
+
Pop-Up Notifications in Real Life
How Creepy You Are, as Determined by Your Pets
10 Ways to Make the Internet Better
8 Things the Internet Ruined
Job Interview Dos and Don'ts
10 Roommate Red Flags
Spending your Valentine's Day on the internet? This will make everything better.
Thoughts on Valentine's Day from people who are paid to be cynical bastards.
The 3D makes this movie look real...ly sucky
Your pet says a lot about you. But then, you have a gossipy parrot.
Guys try to surf without water, and somehow succeed.
Ice T is good, but this time of year it's all about CoCo
Yeah! And why did Microsoft make Bing when they can just use Google?
Valentine's Day was simpler back then. And creepier.
Hey! Get your real world out of my internet!
These guys are getting called out by the reeferee.
