Every guy gets into this situation once in a while – you meet a girl you are interested in, but never really have the right timing, place, opportunity or any chance at all to hook-up with her. Here is how the night usually goes…
9:47 PM – I just got to this party. I’m the fucking man – look at my sweet jeans. I’m going to go to the keg and see what sort of womenfolk are here.
10:01 PM – Just got to the keg. Woah, look at this chick. She is good-looking. I should get to know her.
10:07 PM – Ok, I’m in. She seems cool, cool friends. All right, lets see if I can get her singled out.
10:25 PM – Looks like her friends are here to stay. Plan B, outlast them.
10:45 PM – She just told me I have cute eyes – I am set. Lets see how long this takes for me to get back to her room.
11:13 PM – This is taking longer than I thought. Her damn friend won’t leave. Shit. Maybe I’ll have to get her loaded.
11:45 PM – Keep drinking the beers you bitch friend from hell. Oh yes honey, we shall be alone soon enough.
11:58 PM – That is the 10 beer I’ve given her, what the f*ck is this girls issue. Is she like superhuman or something? Most people would have had her declared medically brain dead by now.
12:01 AM – Ok, she went to throw-up. So did the hot girl. Nice work slick. Ummmm, maybe I can salvage this.
12:21 AM – She’s back. So is the human dumpster. “Her room?” Sure. Let’s rock and roll.
12:38 AM – I didn’t sign-up to play nurse here. What the hell am I doing holding this girls hair out of the garbage?
1:07 AM – Ok, we put that monster to bed – time to get things going.
1:08 AM – Did I just hear the words “boyfriend from home”? No, I must be hearing things.
1:08:32 AM – She said it again. Whatever, a minor obstacle.
1:15 AM – The Notebook? Yea, sure, I’m a sensitive guy. Hell, I’ll even spoon. Yea, let’s see you avoid my lips now.
2:00 AM – Jesus this movie sucks. I’m enjoying the physical contact and all, but when are we going to get to the goods?
2:35 AM – “Boyfriend from home” came-up again. What in the flying f*ck. This guy better be superman.
2:48 AM – She just went to the bathroom. Does that mean she’s fixing herself up?
2:50 AM – Nope, she just went to puke. Her breath reeks now.
3:02 AM – Is she snoring?
3:15 AM – IT IS OVER! THANK GOD!
3:16 AM – Love Actually? Why not, I’m pretty deep in the jungle here – might as well keep trying.
3:25 AM – What have I committed myself to here? I hate Hugh Grant
3:45 AM – How long until the sun comes up?
3:46 AM – How long until the sun comes up?
3:47 AM – How long until the sun comes up?
3:50 AM – Time to make a move.
3:50:09 AM – Time to make an excuse.
3:52 AM – BILLY BOB THORTON IS IN THIS MOVIE – SICK!
3:53 AM – BILLY BOB SHOULD KICK HUGH GRANTS ASS!
3:59 AM – Ok, I think I need to leave. Damn, she doesn’t want to sleep alone with her roommate gone. Is this girl just messing with me?
4:00 AM – No, she’s totally digging me. I’ll be in sexyland in no time.
4:35 AM – How does this conversation about her sister lead to sexyland?
4:45 AM – Now she’s crying – great. Emotional train wrecks make hot dates.
4:59 AM – Is the sky getting lighter or is that just me?
5:01 AM – It is getting lighter – time for the classic sunrise hook-up.
5:10 AM – We’re walking to the quad – this is going to be sick.
5:15 AM – 10 Minutes til the sun comes-up. Why is she talking to her boyfriend?
5:16 AM – Seriously, doesn’t she know I’m here.
5:17 AM – She hung-up with him. I think they might have broken-up, but then why is she smiling?
5: 20 AM – Time for some cheeseball line about the sunrise and her beauty.
5:21 AM – Wow, you are too drunk to speak anymore. “You’re sunrise is like a beautiful hair on the horizon”? Nice job.
5:24 AM – Here it comes!
5:26 AM – There it goes!
5:35 AM – Back to her place.
5:40 AM – Why is she standing in her doorway. Doesn’t she know I want to get in there? This is BS.
5:41 AM – This is getting awkward. I should go in for the kill.
5:41:10 AM – Jesus, think fast – we need another excuse.
5:43 AM – She just closed the door in my face.
5:45 AM – She totally digs me. I’ll facebook friend her tomorrow.
+
8 Things the Internet Ruined
Amazing Dad Magic
News Feed History of the World: January 2012
Dating Dos and Don'ts
What People Will Say They're Thankful for This Thanksgiving, And What They Actually Mean
The 8 Relatives You'll Talk to at Thanksgiving
Yoga pants so tight, they've become a part of her.
Wow, I guess having 5 blades does make a difference.
"Things Stoners Haven't Turned into Bongs" -- The Shortest Book in the World
Journalists finally revealing some hard-to-face truths
Kate Upton blocks shot of a beautiful sunset
Roommate Contract: (1) I will make your life a living hell.
Ways to meet women if you're tired of being normal.
Fixed it!
The kind of sports you can expect to see on ESPN17
Oh good, my package came. I've got a big night ahead of me.
