So we are not hooking-up...

Every guy gets into this situation once in a while – you meet a girl you are interested in, but never really have the right timing, place, opportunity or any chance at all to hook-up with her. Here is how the night usually goes…

9:47 PM – I just got to this party. I’m the fucking man – look at my sweet jeans. I’m going to go to the keg and see what sort of womenfolk are here.

10:01 PM – Just got to the keg. Woah, look at this chick. She is good-looking. I should get to know her.

10:07 PM – Ok, I’m in. She seems cool, cool friends. All right, lets see if I can get her singled out.

10:25 PM – Looks like her friends are here to stay. Plan B, outlast them.

10:45 PM – She just told me I have cute eyes – I am set. Lets see how long this takes for me to get back to her room.

11:13 PM – This is taking longer than I thought. Her damn friend won’t leave. Shit. Maybe I’ll have to get her loaded.

11:45 PM – Keep drinking the beers you bitch friend from hell. Oh yes honey, we shall be alone soon enough.

11:58 PM – That is the 10 beer I’ve given her, what the f*ck is this girls issue. Is she like superhuman or something? Most people would have had her declared medically brain dead by now.

12:01 AM – Ok, she went to throw-up. So did the hot girl. Nice work slick. Ummmm, maybe I can salvage this.

12:21 AM – She’s back. So is the human dumpster. “Her room?” Sure. Let’s rock and roll.

12:38 AM – I didn’t sign-up to play nurse here. What the hell am I doing holding this girls hair out of the garbage?

1:07 AM – Ok, we put that monster to bed – time to get things going.

1:08 AM – Did I just hear the words “boyfriend from home”? No, I must be hearing things.

1:08:32 AM – She said it again. Whatever, a minor obstacle.

1:15 AM – The Notebook? Yea, sure, I’m a sensitive guy. Hell, I’ll even spoon. Yea, let’s see you avoid my lips now.

2:00 AM – Jesus this movie sucks. I’m enjoying the physical contact and all, but when are we going to get to the goods?

2:35 AM – “Boyfriend from home” came-up again. What in the flying f*ck. This guy better be superman.

2:48 AM – She just went to the bathroom. Does that mean she’s fixing herself up?

2:50 AM – Nope, she just went to puke. Her breath reeks now.

3:02 AM – Is she snoring?

3:15 AM – IT IS OVER! THANK GOD!

3:16 AM – Love Actually? Why not, I’m pretty deep in the jungle here – might as well keep trying.

3:25 AM – What have I committed myself to here? I hate Hugh Grant

3:45 AM – How long until the sun comes up?

3:46 AM – How long until the sun comes up?

3:47 AM – How long until the sun comes up?

3:50 AM – Time to make a move.

3:50:09 AM – Time to make an excuse.

3:52 AM – BILLY BOB THORTON IS IN THIS MOVIE – SICK!

3:53 AM – BILLY BOB SHOULD KICK HUGH GRANTS ASS!

3:59 AM – Ok, I think I need to leave. Damn, she doesn’t want to sleep alone with her roommate gone. Is this girl just messing with me?

4:00 AM – No, she’s totally digging me. I’ll be in sexyland in no time.

4:35 AM – How does this conversation about her sister lead to sexyland?

4:45 AM – Now she’s crying – great. Emotional train wrecks make hot dates.

4:59 AM – Is the sky getting lighter or is that just me?

5:01 AM – It is getting lighter – time for the classic sunrise hook-up.

5:10 AM – We’re walking to the quad – this is going to be sick.

5:15 AM – 10 Minutes til the sun comes-up. Why is she talking to her boyfriend?

5:16 AM – Seriously, doesn’t she know I’m here.

5:17 AM – She hung-up with him. I think they might have broken-up, but then why is she smiling?

5: 20 AM – Time for some cheeseball line about the sunrise and her beauty.

5:21 AM – Wow, you are too drunk to speak anymore. “You’re sunrise is like a beautiful hair on the horizon”? Nice job.

5:24 AM – Here it comes!

5:26 AM – There it goes!

5:35 AM – Back to her place.

5:40 AM – Why is she standing in her doorway. Doesn’t she know I want to get in there? This is BS.

5:41 AM – This is getting awkward. I should go in for the kill.

5:41:10 AM – Jesus, think fast – we need another excuse.

5:43 AM – She just closed the door in my face.

5:45 AM – She totally digs me. I’ll facebook friend her tomorrow.

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