Patrick Cassels

Frankenstein's Monster


MAYOR
: Fellow villagers! This Monster before us has terrorized our town for too long. Let us destroy the beast before it attacks again!

DR. FRANKENSTEIN
: Wait! Lower your pitchforks! My creation is no MONSTER. Look beyond his green skin and you will see an innocent creature with the mind of a child!

MAYOR: Dr. Frankenstein’s words have moved me. Let us go and leave this gentle giant in peace.

BLACKSMITH: But he throttled my only son to death.

DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Did he? Or do you simply blame him because he is different from you and I?

BLACKSMITH: No, I saw it. It was the Monster. He twisted his back in like, three different directions and then threw him into a bonfire. It was pretty horrible.

DR. FRANKENSTEIN: But don’t you see? It was only frightened of the fire. Frightened, I say!

BLACKSMITH: — It took him 4 hours to die.

MAYOR: That’s… upsetting. But Dr. Frankenstein has a point. We shall let the creature live, and be sure not to use fire around him.

BAR WENCH: He also crushed my husband’s head on a rock down at the river.

DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Oh, yeah. Water also sets him off.

BAR WENCH: — I think I saw him laughing as he picked him up.

MAYOR: Wow. Nevertheless, let us… forgive this creature, and be sure to keep him from anything associated with fire or water.

DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Or moving objects.

MAYOR: Or… moving objects.

BAKER: What about my father? The Monster impaled him on a fence post this morning.

COBBLER: He ran my daughter down with a wagon.

CHIMNEY SWEEP: He constructed an elaborate booby trap outside our front door that decapitated my wife. It looks like he put a lot of effort into it.

MAYOR: We… um… we mustn’t let these incidents, however deeply disturbing, fuel our rage. I for one will embrace him as a neighbor.

Puts hand on the Monster’s shoulder.

MONSTER: ARRRRRRGHHHH!!!

Rips the Mayor’s arm off and starts beating him with it.

DR. FRANKENSTEIN: You didn’t just touch him, did you?

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Passwords

I work in IT for a fairly well known company, but I work for one of the smaller branches. It's just me and one other person and let me just say, he isn't the brightest bulb. We are suppose to change the passwords to the computers every three months, and I was going to be gone on the day that we were suppose to do it. I wrote down the list of passwords that he needed to... Read More » change it to in an Excel doc and told him that he needed change them before he left on Friday, but after everyone is gone for the weekend. Monday I get back and everyone is asking me why they cannot get onto their computer. It turns out the guy didn't like the passwords I had created and made up his own, and then forgot what they were.