A letter to the old dude in our history of vietnam class

Hey, we know you have a serious anger issues to deal with, which is why we’ve decided to do this as a class. We think its great that you’ve decided to come back to college and pursue the degree you gave the finger to over 30 years ago, its just that your a complete moron. We have created a list of complaints that we believe are more than sufficient to get you removed from the class. We have presented them to you first so that you may consider them and opt for an honorable discharge and drop the class under a cloud of suspicion, they are:

1. Your constant insistence on being exactly 5 minutes late to every class and stumbling into every single desk in the room.

2. The way you laugh out loud whenever the professor refers to that “dick” Jimmy Carter.

3. Your air of superiority. We believe that you are not superior to us for many reasons the most significant however is, that you have a pony tail, but no hair on the top of you head.

4. The references you make to things like “plastic hippies” and get pissed when only the professor knows what your talking about.

5. The way you smell like a mix of BO and the New Car Scent car fresheners.

6. Your fashion choices consist of only sweatpants and t-shirts with arm pit stains. We don’t know if you’ve heard of the show Aqua Tenn Hunger Force, but the only man who can pull of this look goes by the name of Carl.

7. Speaking of things you’ve never heard of, PowerPoint is a computer technology that allows you to create slide shows chock full of information. Thus rendering the overhead projector obsolete, so stop asking if you can get an overhead.

8. We know you were actually involved in Vietnam, but we really can’t stand that every comment the professor makes is quickly followed by you sighing something like “Charlie is around every corner so be on your toes” or “Sarge said that field would be deserted, but he was wrong.”

9. And finally, we really can’t stand that you killed that Asian kid on the first day and had his body hung on the back wall to remind the entire class that “The War is NEVER over, they still have spies in the United States so watch your ASS!”

It is because of these reasons that we feel you should immediately remove yourself from this class, you have two days to decide before we call the police, and by the way we really liked Allan Wang, he had all the answers, so please apologize for his murder you crazy bastard.