"BAWT I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU LOVVED MMEE!!"

I get a kick out of break-ups, hook-ups/check-ups (they go together, right?) and anything in between. In all honesty, this week has been very awkward. The past keeps poppin up, the friends in relationships are changing, it’s similar to a poorly choreographed version of Guiding Light and The Hills (another ex reference, crap!) put together. I am not theking of relationships, actually I’m more like the poker rules card in every new deck. But in all honesty, who is to say they are? I haveexperienced enoughhowever to figure out what it is I WANT.

Note that people? One more time, WHAT I WANT. It is fun for me to sit back and watch as people will only “settle” for someone (trust me, everyone has, you don’t even know it until a better opportunity comes along). Settlefriends suck because you’re not technically on a choke collar/leash, but you’re also not out running with the dogs. You’re on one of those cheapo, extenda-leashes so just when you think you’re free to sniff around, POW the button gets pushed and you’re now officially on lock down til you can be trusted to wander again.

Once again I don’t rule out true love, it happens, to the weirdest people at the weirdest times. However I have also seen true love, the “inseperables”, the “dynamic duos”, the “meant to be togethers” end in 5 minutes.I’ve lived the college life, I’ve seenLONG term relationships end over a bathroom quickie with “that really hot slut in the white tank top.. You know who I’m talking about?Yeah dude! standing next to the ugly fatty, speaking of which… How many times have I helpedYOU out bro!?”

You all know what I’m talking about! I like relationships,but I will NOT have a “settlefriend”, it’s called being single! Leaving your options open, waiting instead of pursuing! I have been under pressure by women in the past that get mad when I look at another girl, get a phone call by another girl, sleep with their bestfriend, etc. Some women just don’t get the whole, “I just wannahook-up thats all, quit baking me cookies damnit!”

So I think I came up with a simple scale that should determine if the relationship is worth it: (andTRUST me, it doesn’t apply to everyone)

Break up if:

• They/You’re talking to someone else (duh)
• You fight more than acting civilized
• You’re together til someone better comes along
• Their/your best friend is an ex
• They/You answer I love you with “This is SPARTA!” or any other movie one liner
• Marriage is an option cause you will get a larger check/save moneyfor it
• YOU BOTHSWING
• They/youhave never had another relationship to compare how bad your current one is
• You HATE their pet (don’t kill it people, just quit calling til it mysteriously vanishes, then proceed to comfort)
• You buy that hat cause “chicks dig it“or you buy those shorts cause guys will look at your ass more etc.
• You ever question if you should break up with her
• The only reason you stay with them is because it increases your chances at a threesome with his/her roommate (scratch that last one).

You get the idea.