Ethan: What the hell is wrong with Tiki? Why is he going out of his way to bury Eli after he retired? I'm sure none of the Giants' problems had to do with Tiki starting a circus by retiring mid-season last year; it's all Eli's fault. I think this proves what we'd really known all along: Tiki is just a mean-spirited android. Tom Coughlin should give Jared Lorenzen a bucket of ranch dressing and order him to devour Tiki.
Amir: No Jared! That's Rondae!!!
Ethan: Oh, yeah, how about Vick pleading guilty?
Amir: What a 180. For weeks he's been claiming innocence and now he's guilty. You think he had a long sit down with his lawyers, and finally snapped, "OHHH! THOSE dog fighting charges. Yeah I did that. I thought you meant something else. My bad."
Ethan: Vick's pretty deplorable, but isn't it odd that of all the famous athletes who've been accused of crimes, he's the one who's going to get jail time? O.J. and Ray Lewis must be having a laugh over that one each time they run into each other at the knife store. At least the Falcons are coming to terms with Vick as an ex-teammate. The next stage in their grief is coming to terms with Joey Harrington as their starting QB. They're probably still in denial.
Amir: Vick's fantasy value plummets and oddly enough, so does Joey Harrington's. I think the theory here is you can't throw interceptions from the bench.
Ethan: That's pretty much the tactic I'm going to take with Rex Grossman this year. Let's do some fantasy previewing. You're taking Jackson second, aren't you?
Ethan: The third pick is killing me. LJ seems the most logical, but all those carries last year make me wonder if Herm Edwards has him on the Curtis Martin Career Plan.
Amir: Hey, Curtis is my third round sleeper!
Ethan: Joseph Addai could be killer, but his stats last year were skewed by that one game against the then-sucky Eagles. Frank Gore has had injury issues. I'm considering just repeating my brilliant draft choice from last year's first round, Lamont Jordan. If you can't be good, be consistent. Who's the third-best player in fantasy?
Amir: There's no way to know. It could be LJ or it could be Addai, Gore. It could even be Brian Westbrook, or even Peyton Manning. I think the hardest spot in the draft is 8, 9 or 10 when all the aforementioned people are gone. You realize there are people right now taking Travis Henry with their first pick?
Ethan: I weep for them. The only potential landmine I see in that range is Ronnie Brown. I was really high on him last year and had him on one of my teams, but I'm not sure he's a first-rounder. Especially with the corpse of Trent Green at QB and Brown having to return kicks, too. He could get killed back there. What other busts do you see in the first two rounds?
Amir: I think Maurice Jones Drew is going WAY too high in rankings. I can't believe he's a top 20 pick in most drafts especially when he doesn't even start on his own team. Of course, I may be saying that so you don't pick him and he drops to me in the end of the second round.
Ethan: I think he's going so high because people think Fred Taylor's groin could spontaneously combust at any moment. That being said, the Jags are kind of a mess at QB and Jones-Drew may have been a flash in the pan last year. I wouldn't take him in the top 20, though.
Amir: It's like the stock market. Some names are just hot and people draft them too early.
Ethan: That's what I think about Steve Smith. Jake Delhomme wouldn't be starting for some college teams right now, and people are taking his top receiver in the second round? Don't worry, if things go wrong Delhomme, there's always his backup, David Carr. Oh, wait. On second thought, worry. Any other bust thoughts?
Ethan: Um, when you're that rich, you don't need hamstrings. You can buy new ones. Straight cash, homey. Marion Barber could be a bust, too. He's going in the top 40 picks, but all of his value last year was based on whether or not he scored TDs. Now Parcells is doing Gatorade commercials, and I'm just not sure MB3 can pay the toll.
Amir: I have some great sleepers but since our draft is tomorrow we'll discuss those next week. And trust me, I have some people that will make my Frank Gore 5th round pick last year look idiotic. If you're really desperate you can email me. Back to reality
Ethan: Garrett Anderson somehow got 10 RBIs last night while I was flying home from vacation. I took off in Portland and landed in 2002.
Amir: The sad thing is, he was batting in the 8th with two men on, one swing away from an MLB record. That was his first curtain call in his 13 year career.
Ethan: Is there a reason I still don't take the Mariners all that seriously? They've got a nice little lead on the wild card, but they still seemed primed for a collapse.
Amir: Unless Jay Buhner is walking through through those clubhouse doors
Ethan: I still think the Tigers and Indians are too good to not both make the playoffs. The Yankees might sneak in there, but only if Mike Mussina starts missing starts after straining his back attempting to carry his ERA.
Ethan: Maybe whatever Bartolo Colon uses to dry off when he gets out of the shower. If he showers. I like putting the tourney in Vegas as a distraction for the foreign players. If this works, I say we put strippers behind the opposition's goal during the Olympics.
Amir: What about OUR players. We just cut the only one young enough not to gamble or drink in Kevin Durant.
Ethan: We need to get back to the excellence that Dream Team 2 epitomized. Tim Hardaway, Dan Majerle, Mark Price, Shawn Kemp those were players who knew what it took to get it done on the world stage.
Amir: We have the correct mix of superstars (LeBron, Kobe) and team players (Tyson Chandler, Bruce Bowen). If we can't win this tournament, I say we trade Garnett to Canada for 1,000,000 amateur athletes and see what develops.
Ethan: Somewhere Kevin McHale is nodding and saying, "See, that's how we'll become competitive in pole vault now where's that gun I promised to buy Sebastian Telfair?"Have an interesting fact for this week?
Amir: Did you know that yesterday, D-backs rookie third basemen, Mark Reynolds was hit by a pitch in the sixth inning?
Ethan: Of course. I keep score at home for every Arizona game.
Amir: Normally this wouldn't be a cause for celebration but for Reynolds it kept him out of the record books. You see, he had struck out in nine consecutive at bats, so that bean ball saved him from a record 10th. Last person to strike out 9 times in a row? You guessed it: Bo Jackson.
Ethan: The old Craig Biggio slumpbuster special.
Ethan: Until next week! Good luck with your fantasy drafts. Sleeper talk next week.
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