How to Get a Girl from Your Dorm Floor

To begin, it is a horrible idea to hook up with a girl from your floor. You will have to see her multiple times a day all year and every other person on the floor will be in your business. That said, if the school year is nearing the end and you’ve gotten kind of friendly (but not, like, friends) with a girl on your floor, go for it. Here’s how:

1. One really stand-out way to get a girl in your room without using the cliche come-watch-a-movie line (which makes it very clear that you’re making a move and could scare her away) is the Where Is That Beep Coming From maneuver. Creating the beep is easy: tape an alarm clock outside your window. You’ll need a strong electrical tape and you run the risk of losing your alarm clock, but it works. Once that’s going, close the window, Febreze your room, get rid of your roommate, and go ask your girl from the hall for help.

2. Once she’s in your room, an undoubtedly hilarious (though, in the real world, completely moronic) circus of lifting and listening to electrical appliances will ensue until you’re both giggling and tired. At that point, you’ve got to grin and deliver your line, “Ah, f*ck it!” Then you turn on your music sort of loudly and grab drinks from your mini-fridge for you and your girl.

3. Now you can sit back and funny-complain about the dorm and let that evolve to a talk about the year and summer plans and blah blah blah and by this point you’re both sitting on your bed and you know what’s coming, but there’s one more thing.

4. Let her open up to you. Let her talk about her hopes, her dreams, her fears, all that crap. Listen to her story about that one time in middle school when everyone teased her because her parents had an open relationship. The more vulnerable she feels around you, the further you’re going to get.