How to Get a Girl in Class

Let’s say it’s a seminar style class. These kinds of classes put you a little closer to the On-The-Floor awkwardness, but it has the benefit of only lasting a semester.

1. At first, you want to argue with your girl of choice. In class discussions always argue the opposite of her point. I mean, don’t be a super dick about it. Don’t try and fish a conflict out of your ass because then you just seem like a fool.

2. About two weeks into the course, after you’ve already intelligently argued with her at least 3 times, you’ve got to get ready to come to her rescue. (So do your f*cking homework this week.) See, wait till she’s debating with someone else and starting to struggle, then jump in on her side. Say slightly aggressively to the opponent, “No, I don’t think you understand what she’s saying. She is completely right about (what she’s right about here. Make sure you know what she was trying to say).” As you finish, give her a slightly embarrassed, I-didn’t-mean-to-get-so-caught-up smile and ask if that’s what she meant. It is. Now you’re on a team.

3. In any class you have two main deal-sealing windows: midterms and finals. There is no way you or your girl have stayed up to date on the reading, so when big tests roll around you’ll be flustered and desperate and willing to invite anyone to your bedroom. In a 10×10 room where the only place to sit is a bed the awkwardness can go on forever if you let it. I do, however, have a solution. It is my final Getting-the-Girl tip: just go for it. Be a man! Step up! The worst that can happen is she won’t reciprocate and you’ll be embarrassed for a minute, but I promise you if you just laugh off the rejection, might even start to like you. So stick around ‘cause girls are f*cking weird.