Staff Picks

Jake Hurwitz

Wendell Blatt Goes To College

by Jake Hurwitz on


Dean Cain: Hello Wendell, welcome to Yarvard- the hybrid of Yale and Harvard we had to create when you got 1 million on your SuperSATs. I’ll be your Dean, Dean Cain- TV’s Superman.

Wendell: Coo.

Cheerleading Team: Hey Wendell!

Wendell: Sup?

Cheerleading Captain: Is that a dragon on your silk shirt?

Wendell: Yes.

Cheerleading Captain: (Flashes her breasts) I love you.

Quarterback of the Yarvard Football Team: Here, you be QB, I suck compared to you.

Dean Cain: Hey, do you want some diamonds?

Wendell: Sure.

Dean Cain: (Dumping a bucket of diamonds on Wendell) What’s that orange stuff under your fingernails?

Wendell: Cheeto cheese.

Dean: Sweet.

Cheerleading Captain: (Licking it off) It’s delicious.

Mr. Blatt: I’m proud of you, Wendell.

Mrs. Blatt: Your father and I are getting back together.

Cheerleading Team: Let’s be roommates!

See More
Like this Article
URL Close
Jake Hurwitz

Jake Hurwitz

View Profile
Recent Articles
More
uPick
Roommate Confessions Roommate pranks See All »
Up +120 Down
You Stink

At about 10pm, my roommate and I were in our normal habit of watching Adult Swim and playing random video games when all of a sudden we get a knock at our door. I go to open it and suddenly 2 guys burst in, with ninja wraps on their head, spray a lot of febreeze all over our stuff and run out leaving a note that says "You stink!". I was hurt until 5 minutes later... Read More » when a very apologetic ninja showed up and said that they got the wrong room. I don't know what I was hurt more over. Being called smelly or not being invited for revenge on the smelly Asian smokers next door.