About Me:

I’ve been told that I need to be more decisive, but I’m not sure what to do about it.
Most people think I’m pretty cool, but then again, most people are idiots.
Some people are so stupid that they can’t tell the difference between low self-esteem and self-deprecating humor. I am one of those people.
My laughter isn’t contagious, but it can be fatal if not treated immediately.
Don't do anything I tell you to do, not even this.
If anyone takes me seriously it’s their own fault, and I hate them for it. Seriously.
I like to add completely unnecessary yet totally accurate statements to the end of my sentences, no pun intended.
I was born yesterday, in a barn.
People think I, use too many commas, but I really just talk, like William Shatner.
I’m from Iowa: where the potatoes grow tall and the Buckeyes rule the land.
My only flaw is that I have too many flaws
I don’t like to brag, but I’m pretty much so awesome that I’m obligated to.
Some people think I’m addicted to food and water, but I can stop whenever I want.

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