Open Letter from a Townie to Incoming Freshmen

Oh wow, look at Mr. Big Shot here. Mr. I Scored Well on My SATS and Didn’t Fail American History in High School. Looks like you’re heading off to your fancy new college life, huh?Well good luck with all of that. That’s right, I said good luck.I’m not bitter. You still have 4 years of school left. I hated school. I get to jump right into the real world.I have a pretty solid job over at Joe’s Hardware Store.I’ll be making money while you have to sit in class! Ha! I’m making $8.00 an hour over there. Times that by 40 hours a week, and that’s like a shit load of money right there. Sure you’ll be making a lot more money than me in a few years, but I’m not thinking that far ahead at all. I’m not even thinking about how I’m still going to be living at my parent’s house while you’re living in a dorm, probably full of hot college girls. That one hot girl Sarah is going to community college so maybe I can hook up with her. Yeah, you wish you were in my position.

In a year, I’m going to save up enough money to get my own apartment and have crazy parties there that’ll be way better than any of those lame frat parties you’ll be going to. Maybe even Sarah will come. Dude, you’re going to be so jealous.