In the beginning, god created the town and the campus. Now the campus was formless and empty. Darkness was over the surface of the quad, and the spirirt of god was hovering around it… with no shirt on.

And god said, "Let there be light," and there was light. God saw the light was good, and he separated it from the darkness. He called the light "day" and he called the darkness "night." This was the first day.

On the second day, god created Adam and Eve, and subsequently populated the rest of the campus… by taking a rib from them and multiplying them with some loaves or some shit like that. God called them "undergrads" and saw that they were good, mostly.

The undergrads lived peacefully together on the quad, until a rogue frisbee landed on the perfectly gelled hair of some pink-polo wearing, collar poppin' broseph. This broseph was irate. He tore off his burberry-lined neck protector and asked if the frisbee-thrower wanted to "fuckin throw down right now, yo." His other brosephs soon joined in, tore their shirts off, beat their chests, and eventually sat back down. God saw this was not good.

On the third day, god created laboratories and lecture halls to learn in, dining halls to get sick from, and dorms for the undergrads to live in. For the brosephs, he created special houses, up on the hillsides where they could take their shirts off and beat their chests together without interrupting any worthwhile campus activity.

The brosephs moved in, but spent all their time lounging OUTSIDE their brosephtorium, sitting 8-10 across one crappy couch. They drank beer and talked about throwing a "sick rager, yo." God saw that this was good… enough.

On the fourth day, god created classes and professors. He decided that the undergrads would be best served by diverse or eccentric educators, so he created them all with only 2 of 3 possible characteristics: intelligence, cleanliness, and understandability. The students went to class, most of the time, and god saw this was good.

On the fifth day, god created the library, because some people really needed to study… even on the fifth day of the week. I don't know why they do that.

On the sixth day, god went to that sick rager, yo!!

On the seventh day, god's head was poundin' yo.