Young Professional Dating

You have entered your life as a young professional and whether you like it or not, dating has become a required step to get laid. In college, everything was simple and cheap. A date was no more than buying a girl a $3 cup, doing a keg stand, and having drunk sex while forgetting that you left a frozen pizza in the oven. Unfortunately, post-college sex is expensive. Whether it’s renting a hooker for an hour or taking a stranger out to dinner, drinks, and a movie, getting laid is going to cost around $100.

The one advantage to “young professional dating” is diversity. In college, you are generally restricted to having sex with white, middle to upper class, 18-22 year-olds for a four year span. As a young professional, the entire spectrum of pussy is at your fingertips (or tongue for that matter). Keep an eye out for the following types of women if you’re trying to save money and time on your quest to get laid.

Foreigners: Unfamiliar with our language and culture, foreigners are always looking for a local to show them the ropes. Take the opportunity to give a Saturday morning tour of the city and be prepared to over-accentuate your American accent. If life is anything like the porn industry, three Swedish bombshells will be in your bed by lunch.

Homeless: Nothing says low maintenance like a crack-head missing her front teeth and screaming obscenities under a dumpster. Once you’ve been kicked out of the bar for drunk and disorderly conduct, you’ll consider this behavior kinky and arousing. Offer her a couple of dollars and she’ll surely take you back to her park bench and give you the royal treatment. Nothing says romance like a night under the stars.

Cougars: While the MILFS get all the attention, consider the Cougar the sluttier, better looking step-sister. No need to go out searching because if they want you, they will find you. Always on the prowl, these women in their 40’s want nothing more than a boy-toy to live out their adolescent fantasies. Remember that the younger you look the better chance you have of being pounced on.

Bachelorette Party: With dozens of single women drunk with their biological clocks running out, this is the easiest situation to get laid. Buy a round of shots, make a toast to finding love, and you’ll have six girls on their knees before they can finish their chasers. Those lucky enough to f*ck the bride get the choice of going to Hell or ultimately appearing on the VH1 sequel of “Scott Baio is 45 and Single.” I’ll take hell any day.