West Coast Guy and East Coast Guy: In-N-Out

After being accepted to a prodigious school, stereotypical West Coast Guy travels to the East Coast to attend college. It’s all going great, but then he meets his roommate for the first time, and as it so happens, his roommate is a stereotypical East Coast Guy! Sure they’re night-and-day different, but through their struggles and friendship, maybe they’ll come to learn something outside of the classroom. Something… about themselves.

West Coast Guy: Man, you know what I could go for? An In-N-Out burger. Man, that would be so sick.

East Coast Guy: What’s an “In-N-Out” burger?

West Coast: What?!? You’ve never had In-N-Out?

East Coast: No, I don’t believe I have.

West Coast: Oh man! It’s like, the most unbelievable burger ever! It’s like, okay, after an epic day of shreddin’ the knar, you go to the drive through, order up a double-double, oh man, it’s like having a religious experience, or boning or whatever… it’s so rad.

East Coast: So In-N-Out is “fast food?”

West Coast: No brah! I mean, yeah, technically it’s fast food, but it’s so much more!

East Coast: So you eat fast food?

West Coast: Yeah.

East Coast: Are you a minority?

West Coast: No! Dude! You’re not getting it brah! It’s like they have this secret menu, and you can order your burgers with like pickles and grilled onions…

East Coast: That’s not very special. At father’s polo club we can order whatever we want on our burgers.

West Coast: You’re missing the point, brahdog! It’s awesome because it’s a SECRET menu! But everyone knows about it! (Silence) Oh East Coast Guy! Sometimes I think things will never work out with us being roommates! We’re just too different!

East Coast: Now hold on right there, chum. Perhaps we’re looking too hard at the differences between us. Maybe we should look to our many similarities. Sure, my burgers are made of Kobe grass-fed organic beef while your burgers are made of meat that was probably bludgeoned to death by a one-armed Mexican prostitute, but what matters is that we both enjoy a good hamburger-sandwich every now and then! See! Maybe we aren’t so different after all!

West Coast: Yeah. Yeah, I guess you’re right! (They hug) I’m sorry for getting all riled up.

East Coast: And I’m sorry for asking if you were poor.

West Coast: Actually, you asked if I was a minority.

East Coast: I know.

Silence

West Coast: Man… In-N-Out… even their fries are slammin’. How are the fries at your place?

East Coast: (Sullen) I don’t eat French-fries.

West Coast: What? Why?

East Coast: Potatoes are for poor people.

West Coast: Oh East Coast Guy!

They both laugh.