Stuff You Don't Care About But Will Help You Get Laid

Hello friends – school has started and so has the gossip. You’re probably busy getting laid right now, but just in case you need a little extra help, here’s what I got for ya.

You know that chick in High School Musical that you kind of thought was hot? Well she’s naked on the internet right now! She’s also drinking away her sorrows – nothing like a nude photo to get your addiction started just right. [WWTDD]

I’m pretty sure that I love Ice-T’s wife CoCo more than my mother, my grandmother and myself – combined. Here’s why (after the jump). [IDLYITW]

That douchy guy from the commercials who played the Mac in those Apple commercials and kinda made you hate Macs even though they’re totally awesome is making out with Drew Barrymore. And it’s all caught on video. They’re probably boning too. On video? We can only hope. [WWTDD]

Tommy Lee apparently waltzed into a club in the Hamptons with a random hot blonde and proceeded to fuck her on a table in front of everyone. He had just wowed her with gossip from this column and voila! Table fucking. Live and learn, dear readers! [WWTDD]

I want so badly to think that Maggie Gyllenhaal looks hot in these new ads she shot for Agent Provocateur, but for some reason they just ain’t working for me. I wonder what it could be?Oh right – the old lady turban hat. [IDLYITW]

I’m pretty sure Keira Knightly (at the premiere of the flick Atonement) hates herself – and her lack of boobage – as much as I do. [Egotastic]

I do not want to make out with Jessica Simpson or hang with her on a shopping outing. I want her to punch me with those guns. [Celebslam]

Anne Hathaway has stolen the ozone layer to use as sunscreen. That’s the only way to explain how so she stays so…translucent. [HollywoodTuna]

Britney will be opening the VMAS Sunday night (MTV) with a performance of her new song “Gimme More.” We’re hoping she gives us more insanity, or at least more vag flashes. [DListed]

You can check out a bunch of her new songs here and here.

And here she is dressed like a scarecrow. [DListed]

Finally, you probably know that Owen Wilson tried to kill himself last week, and recently left the hospital to rest at home. I love Owen Wilson and would do him even with all the heroin and manwhoring. Even dudes think he’s cool. So I hope he takes care of himself and gets all the help he needs. And let this be a lesson to all you weird-nosed potential actors/drug users out there – don’t do it. The acting, I mean. It’ll fuck you up. [CelebSlam]


Kate