HOW TO MAKE IT ONTO THE MTV VMA'S

-Make sure to go crazy, then, when it’s time for your comeback, make sure to be out of shape and not care at all.

-Go to Prison.

-Be really into umbrellas.

-Be one of fifty people nominated for each award.

-Fight Tommy Lee.

-Avoid Videos. Avoid Music. Avoid Awards.

-Read on a third grade level.

-Imitate Charlie Chaplin. Even if you’re Black and 19.

-Finish third in the Miss Teen USA Pageant.

-Perform in a random room, away from the set.

-Go on live television, look into the camera and announce that “George Bush hates Black people.”

-Wear sunglasses indoors.

-Be either a Pussycat, Doll or both.

-Drink too much.

-Make a movie that no one cares about.

-Try not to laugh at Sway while he talks to you. He’s retarded. Also, his last name is a verb.

-Make sure that when you’re the only white guy in a situation, that you’re not also the only person smiling.

-Be John Norris’s plastic surgeon.

-Jerk Kanye West Off