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The Longer Your Hair Grows



How badass you look while standing in the wind

Likelihood that you’re black

Likelihood someone will try to climb it

How often your mom asks you to cut it

Number of mammals living in it

Number you’re aware of
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I was having sex with my girlfriend with the movie gladiator playing quietly in the background. She finished right before the epic scene which prompted me to raise my arms and yell "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?"