slanderous sidenotes on perpetual backsliddeness (xbox homage)

The times, they are trying. The past week has been a whirlwind of nothing, and still I remain rooted, inept in my efforts (or lack thereof) to cast aside my burden of sloven immobility. Yes, summer is upon us: the dogdays. Surmised from the past three days are the following; temperatures reaching into the stratosphere, humidity that laughs in the face of any stiff breeze, and the total and complete annihilation of desire to do anything outdoors. Rainfall that has reached epic proportions across the country, having even ventured as far south as the fair state of Arkansas, does nothing but stimulate grass growth, vehemently refusing to cool or refresh. The jungle atmosphere i now find myself in is ripe with growth; the landscape now transformed from moderate midwestern rolling hills to a lush tropical rainforest, complete with searing heat and stifling air. But not for long. Already the grass grows brown and the late night sirens, they howl in pursuit of flaming fields spawned by errant fags. And still the boredom persists. Thankfully a savior, a champion, a vigilanty warrior shirking all that is dull has risen from the ashes; a phoenix that thrives indoors, refusing to give a damn for the heatwave upon us. Oh wonderful XBOX, we thank you this day for your beautiful black coat of plastic, adorned with various stickers lamenting such battle cries as “beautify the world! get a tattoo!” and “ROCKSTAR VIDEOGAMES”, never forgetting “u r sofa king we todd did”. Without you we would be doomed. Cable offers no help, for it is costly, and trivial. You laugh in the face of Cox imposed $100 monthly fees in exchange for a measly 3 channels worth watching, redundantly listed as follows: ESPN, Comedy Central, and Discovery Channel. Oh glorious XBOX, when juxtaposed with outdoor activities, you shine brighter than any supernova, and your worth is known. We thank you for your grace and humility. You ask for nothing. Forsaking the sun, we bask in the anticipatory glow of Halo 3’s coming and wait with you patiently, mentally preparing for hours, days, months of entertainment and missed classes. Oh holy XBOX, you alone are worthy of our praise.