Variations On The Adage 'Dance Like Nobody's Watching'

-Pee like you won’t get a little drop on your khakis and have to wipe your hands off on your pants after washing them to cover it up

-Wear a shirt that says “Can you BEER me now?” like you’re fourteen and drinking still makes you different and cool

-Dance at ‘Indie Rock Dance Night’ like everyone is watching and critiquing your clothes, hair, and knowledge of Clap Your Hands Say Yeah lyrics

-Masturbate like you haven’t so much as kissed a girl since last fall and if you think really hard, you can probably remember what a vagina feels like

-Steal a bottle of Mad Dog from the drug store like nobody’s watching

-Bury your deceased loved one at the haunted pet cemetery like they aren’t going to come back as a bloodthirsty monster just like the last several times you tried it

-Eat a McGriddle like you’re not going to have severe and explosive diarrhea by the time you get to work

-Dance like nobody’s watching like nobody’s watching Comedy Central’s “Lil Bush”