Transcripts:Loyd Carr and Charlie Weis give a pep talk to their team.

Michigan locker room:

LC: Alright guys, gather up, we have a very good team coming in the Big House with all intentions of turning their season around just like we want too. I be—

Mike Hart: Did you just say Notre Dame was “very good”?

awkward silence

LC: Yes, Notre Dame is Notre Dame, there always good and they’re in the hunt for a national title year in and year out.

locker room arupts in laughter

LC: I watched them on film, they are good and they have this one guy who has a bigger heart than any of you! If anyone on this sorry excuse for a football team had a tenth of his heart, we’d be #1!

Chad Henne: Can we see this film coach?

LC: Yeah, sure.

Carr hands film to Henne

CH: Coach, this is the movie Rudy and it was rented from blockbuster. Have you looked at any game tape?

LC: tears up…No, they didn’t give my anything but a program and a empty KFC bucket.

CH: Aww, come here coach, shhh. It’s alright big guy. Henne and Carr tenderly hug

Locker room falls into stunned silence

MH: We’re fucked.
_________________________________________________________________

Notre Dame locker room:

Weis: …and that’s how I won my first Super Bowl.

Jimmy Clausen: WOW WEE! Coach, Tell us another story. Pllleeeaassee!!!

Weis: Licks the nacho cheese from his finger tips Not now Jimmy. Let’s talk about the game Saturday. Grabs a Big Mac from his pocket Now fellas, we have a tough ball game ahead of us this weekend. We’ve been called on to go to their house and our fans expect us to win. Spits pieces of Big Mac out of his mouth as he tries to contain his laughter I think we can do it…Weis loses it and busts out laughing

JC: I think we can win coach and if we don’t, we’ll know we tried our hardest!

Demetrius Jones: Wow. That is pathetic.

Weis: Let’s face it guys. We ain’t gonna win and that’s that. What else do you want me to do. I’m only here to focus on our overrated QB’s and that’s all. I’m doing my job, maybe you should do yours! Swallows a cooked turkey whole”

DJ: They pay you $3.5 million just to get big name QB’s?

Weis: Yep. *Drinks a five gallon bucket of Diet Coke Guys, I don’t know what all the fuss is about. You know damn well that after the season is over, we go in next season ranked in the Top 25. We’re Notre Dame for Christ’s sake! Eats a bottle of Tums But seriously, I hired someone very familiar with the prestige of Notre Dame and he’s gonna give you guys a pep talk. Coach come on in!

Lou Holtz walks through the door

Holtz: Get ready guys spit flies everywhere. We got to go out there em>Holtz gets excited, more spit flies and beat them at there own game. more spit. Come on! inaudible

DJ: We’re fucked.