Third Grade Stand-Up

Teacher: “Class, for show and tell today, Billy would like to tell you some of his jokes. Please give him your undivided attention.”

class applauds

laughter

Billy: “Seriously though, it’s great to be here. This morning when I was eating my Alphabets cereal, I started making words. Yeah, you’ve all done it before, don’t be shy! winks at Tiffany Burris Anywho, I was trying to spell out words with my cereal, and they were all coming out the same! I was confused and could not figure it out. Then I realized that I wasn’t eating Alphabets cereal…..they were Cheerios!

laughter, Tiffany Burris picks nose

Billy: “They other day, my dog farted and it smelled like…..the cat!”

laughter

Billy: “Man, life is hard though. smiles at Tiffany Burris I went to go take a Flintstones vitamin, and wouldn’t you know it, we were all out of orange! I looked at my mom and said, ‘Orange you going to buy me more vitamins!’ Then I farted on the dog’s fat head!”

laughter, Tiffany Burris eats booger

Billy: “Anyone in the house a fan of Lincoln logs? applause Lincoln logs look like penises! You guys are gay!”

laughter, Ms. Whitehead rushes to front of class

Ms. Whitehead: “Well, thank you very much Billy, that was, interesting. You may take your seat now.”

class applauds