105% Issue #32

105% – Part of this complete LOL-fest

Call me conservative, but I would like to see Carlos Santana's senior citizenship status revoked.

The Reflexive Slam

"Hey, 1984 called – they want their insult structure back."

My new car is pretty annoying. Whenever I back up it makes a beeping noise to warn me that there is a car behind me. Then the beeping becomes faster as I get closer to the car behind me. Then it's just a high pitched tone, and finally the sound of a bumper being crushed like an aluminum can. It's like "Jesus, I get it!"

-Amir Blumenfeld

My parents just got separated. It was an expensive procedure, but my parents are no-longer conjoined twins. WHOA, Oh MY GOD, I wonder if they were related.

-Josh Heller

The CSI Emmys

Best Episode of CSI – The one where it turned out it was an assisted suicide, CSI: New York
Best Actor in a CSI – Gary Sinese (Mac Taylor), CSI: New York

Best Overall CSI – Regular CSI

-Jeff Rubin

My friend's away message read, "at f*cking school." I thought either he is upset that he has to attend class or he's currently enrolled in the greatest learning institution of all time.

Conor McKeon

I never understood people who were homophobic. Why would you be afraid of
some limp wristed fag? Is he going to tickle you to death?

-Tom Sunnergren

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