Reasons Why I Can't Keep a Steady Girlfriend

Reasons Why I Can’t Keep a Steady Girlfriend:

• I answer the question “What are you thinking about?” and “What’s your fantasy?” truthfully.
• I find it ridiculous to write a Facebook post to anyone I have talked to in the last thirty minutes.
• I have the song “Bitches Ain’t Shit” on my ipod and refuse to acknowledge that “Hey, There Delilah” is “our” song.
• I repeatedly misinterpret the word “sure” for “yes” and the phrase “Everything’s fine” for “Everything’s fine.”
• I quote movie lines slightly incorrect right before they are said.
• I religiously pee in the shower.
• My sex drive exponentially increases when I’m told that you’re “trying to fall asleep.”
• I have confidence that Hallmark sums up my feelings pretty well.
• I enjoy being alone some nights.
• I laugh after thinking that the rhyme should be two in the pink, some of the pinky in the stink, SLAP, “Crap!” Tap, tap, tap (footsteps).
• I play the guitar poorly and often.
• I can’t stop, addicted to the shin dig.
• I can’t fall asleep if any part of anyone is touching me either directly or indirectly.
• My pet names for you always involve your tits and some sort of candy. “Licorice Tits”
• I would rather just give you 20 dollars cash than 20 dollars in a gift card.
• I compare any problem we have to either an episode of Boy Meets World (Shawn and Corey) or Scrubs (JD and Turk).
• I don’t find it necessary to wash hands after onezies.
• I believe that jeans are the only clothing item that can be worn for two months straight on a three day rotation and not be disgusting.
• I stand by the ratio that two hours of Wii sports is equivalent to one hour of the real sport excluding bowling which is nearly a 1:1.
• I define sleeping in as missing breakfast and some of lunch, not 9:00 A.M.
• I’m pretty sure that I gave my crabs herpes