Confessions To My Freshman Roommate

10: I made fun of you behind your back for like, the first two months of school. Sorry, but it really helped me make friends.

9: I told everyone on our floor that you farted in your sleep and I couldn’t stand the smell, so I’d wear nose plugs to bed. That’s a more specific part of 10. Maybe even a 10a.

8: Remember that weekend you went home because your grandma was sick? I whacked it on your bed, like, 12 times. Not in a row, but over the course of like 2 days.

7: You have really good porn on your computer. And it’s not hard to find.

6: One time you brought your girlfriend back really late on a Saturday. You thought I was sleeping. I wasn’t.

5: Sometimes I jerk off to her moans.

4: And I use the word “sometimes” very loosely. It was my material for a solid month.

3: Remember when you lost all your DVDs? No, I didn’t steal them. But I helped a friend of mine steal them. Lion King was in your Gone in 60 Seconds by the way.

2: Your mom is also hot. So is your sister. When you moved in we had a little eye contact thing going on for a second. I facebooked her and text her when I’m drunk.

1: I actually have a lot more confessions. Maybe I’ll post them next week. I haven’t even hit the tip of the iceberg.

Do you have any confessions you’d like to tell your roommate? If so, send them here: RoommateConfessions@GMail.com and we’ll post the best 10 next week. We respect the honor code here, so please don’t lie, things are funnier when they’re true.