Irrational Fears

Hi everybody. My name is Alli, and if you’re a friend of mine, you probably know a thing or two about what keeps me up at night. I mean, everyone that knows me knows about my deep fear of AIDS, the dark, and becoming a midwestern housewife, for instance. But I have so many more! So please, enjoy some of them at my expense. The doctors say its good for me.

15. Prime numbers other than 1, 2, 3, and 5 (Interesting side note… on 11/23 I will be 19. My head will probably explode)

14. Vampires

13. That I smell really bad and nobody will tell me

12. That I have schizophrenia and nobody knows yet

11. PCP in my weed

10. Ball pits

9. Getting shot in the head when I’m not looking

8. That video cameras are hidden in public toilets

7. That I’ll break something in my face and be lopsided

6.One day I might fall in the shower when nobody is home and knock myself out and slowly drown to death and not be discovered for days and when they find me I’ll be naked, soaking wet, face down and soapy

5. Someone broke into my house and is hiding in my closet and waiting until I go to sleep to kill me

4. Serial killers

3. I am actually dead or in a coma or something, and this is just some weird dream I’m having as my brain dies

2. I have some strange disease no one has ever heard of and will eventually die from it, but not before becoming a medical experiment monkey

1. Anneurysms