Billy Froman, 4th grade, Gets a Boner

Oh no, its happening again! Why? I don’t get why we have these things. I bet girls have it easy. Apparently they just pee out of their buttholes because Ricky Jones, he’s like, the coolest kid in school, snuck into the girls bathroom and said they all pee sitting down. Well what am I supposed to do? I cant pee now. It would go everywhere. There’s got to be some mathematical equation for this. It just doesn’t make sense. Its so…soft all the time and then, boom, hard.
What I really don’t get is what this does? What can I do with this besides feel like an idiot? Maybe there’s some kind of keyhole I can open when it’s like this. Ugh, why even bother with it. I bet it’ll last until lunch this time. I really shouldn’t have worn sweatpants today. But, wait. Hmm, its seems that if I position it upward, I can tuck it in the waistband and it becomes somewhat invisible. Alright, I’m liking this. I can walk around all day like this. No one will notice.
Oh. Its getting softer. Softer. Hard again. Softer…

…Hard again.