You wanna lift with me? Tough shit limp dick, you wouldn’t last a rep. I move more iron than a battleship. I grunt louder than a jet engine. My traps are larger than your mom’s fat ass. My biceps peak higher than Everest. I’ve memorized every single Arnold quote from Pumping Iron, which by the way is the second greatest movie next to Goodfellas. Hell, you know those 100lb plates they’ve got now? Yea they brought those in cause of me.
What’s that? Re-rack my weights? Fuck that they’ve got the gym bitches to do that peasant work. If I wanna empty the entire contents of the dumbbell rack you better damn well believe I will. It’s just an aftermath of my sheer dominance of this iron dungeon. Now get outta my way lard ass, as soon as my bro “Joey Pounds” blasts my ass with an Absolute Anabolic Anal Injection you better believe I’m gonna storm this gym like its Normandy.

Five Things that Should be Brought Back from the 19th Century

8 Rap Songs Perfectly Synched with Kids' Shows
Next Week on Mad Men...
The 5 People You Meet In College (if they were comedians)
Peggy Olson's Next 6 Awesome Predictions
Almost Reading
The Troll
Humor Us
TLDNR
Regret Everything
The Graphic Truth
CollegeHumor Interview
Twidiots