Sells Land With Wolves, A Native American Real Estate Agent

— Sells Land With Wolves, we need to have a talk.

— Call me, Sells Land.

— Yes. Well. After your last couple of sales, I won’t be calling you anything. You’re fired.

— Tell me why. Spare no detail.

— Well, Sells Land, you know that three bedroom on Bancroft you just sold?

— Fantastic place. Homey. Very quaint.

— Yes well, we were hoping to get $495,000 for it. Do you remember how much YOU sold it for?

— Not off hand, no.

— 34 cents.

— And a wolf.

— Right. Well, that’s the third or fourth apartment you’ve sold for less than or equal to the value of a stamp.

— And a wolf.

— Yes, but, we honestly don’t need three wolves. We don’t even need ONE wolf. They’re terrorizing the office!

(Real Estate boss opens door, a wolf is gnawing on the secretary, another one is xeroxing its butt. Sells Land chuckles.)

— I apologize.

— Well, I think it’s too late for that. I mean, I’m looking over your record and I’m surprised you even lasted this long!

— Meaning?

— Well, here, look. On the fifth of last month you sold your entire apartment complex for $24!

— And…

— And a wolf, yes. But. Come on, Sells Land! That was YOUR apartment building. You had like 80 members of your tribe living there. Where are they going to live now?

— We have some desert land in between Los Angeles and Las Vegas…

— Well the worst part is, that sale was finalized! So you can see the predicament we’re in. That’s over $70M in property we now owe these people.

— Ouch.

— Yes, very ouch. Anyway, we’d like you to pack up your stuff and go.

— I have a meeting today at 10am though.

— The one with the businessman who is interested in buying every square inch between Louisiana and Oregon?

— …Maybe.

— Yes well, we’ve canceled on him. Luckily.

— Are you going to finish that cupcake?

— I already did. It’s just a wrapper.

— I use all parts of the pastry. Spare nothing.

— Leave.