105% Issue #33

More nostalgic than the house you grew up in.

I was performing brain surgery once and I wanted to remember something so I made a mental note… by jotting it down on their cerebellum. It said, "Remember to remind patient to convulse uncontrollably."

-Shawn Pearlman

The Modest Serial Killer

Look guys, I'm just like everybody else – I put your skin on one leg at a time.

-Streeter Seidell

World-renowned mime Marcel Marceau died over the weekend. To honor his passing, let us observe a moment of noise.

-Dan Gurewitch

Giveaways at Joint PBS/Sorority Telethon

- Mugs and Uggs
- Totes Tote Bags
- Syphillis

-Neil Padover

Word Jumbles for Cows

OMO
OOM
OMOOO

-Jeff Rubin

Gmail Prompt or Nerdy Last Words

- Your message has not been sent. Discard your message?
- I will always love you, Liuetenant Uhura! [translated from Klingon]
- Remember me on this computer

- Amir Blumenfeld

If a girl makes you wear a condom, you probably didn't need it, and if she doesn't make you wear one you probably should have worn two. Life is full of irony. And sex disease.

-Tom Sunnergren

So it'd be weird if I married my first cousin, I get that. But if I have a kid with my first cousin, then that kid is my first cousin once removed. Which, in my opinion, makes it perfectly okay for me to f*ck it.

-Jake Hurwitz

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