Jesus: Joint Custody

knocks

Mary: Someone’s at the door
Joseph: Don’t worry babe, I got it.

opens door

Joseph: Oh, hey God.
God: What’s up Joe, how you been?
Joseph: Good, busy, really busy. You?
God: You know how it is, just managing the after-life and trying to keep the world from crumbling. Can’t complain.
Joseph: Yeah.
God: Well, is my boy around?
Joseph: I think so, I’d check the backyard.
God: Joe, I’m God, the boy’s inside.
Joseph: Oh, weird, you’re right. Jesus, your dad who left you here after impregnating mommy is her to take you for the weekend…

As Joseph turns around to look at Jesus running to the door, God raises his smiting finger but is deterred by a look from Mary

Joseph: Now Jesus, be careful and rememb…
Jesus: …Bye dad, bye mom, love you!

the two fly off in the sky, Joseph closes the door

Joseph: How can I compete with that Mary, I mean honestly.
Mary: Joseph…Jesus loves you, he doesn’t care about God’s cheap tricks.
God: …Uncalled for…
Mary: Leave now.

wafts air out of the room

God: I’m still here.
Mary: Well then just keep quiet, my husband and I are trying to have a discussion…Like I was saying, God may show Jesus the secrets of the universe and how life started, but you will be the one who shows him how to tie his first knot and read his first line of scripture.
Joseph: I guess you’re right babe, I love you.

Josephs pants immediately drop

Joseph: What the hell?
God: Hahaha, I just granted Jesus the power to stop time but only if it makes you look like a fool. He’s laughing, can you hear him? Come here Jesus, laugh closer to my vocal chords so they can hear it.
Joseph: I hate that guy.
Mary: Same.