The Checklist

I set a goal once, for myself
With dignity and grace
That I would do, before I died
A girl from every race

A list was in my pocket
I would check it off for fun
It wasn’t till the boxes filled
That my work would be done

The first, her name was Mary
She had red hair with a curl
Sure she was an albino
But I needed a “white girl”

The second took a lot of work
We did it in the snow
If you wanna hump in igloos
Find yourself an Eskimo

The third one was a Star Wars nerd
Who really loved Mace Windu
I slayed her with my saber
Then I promptly checked off Hindu

The fourth was quite an accident
Someone I wasn’t seekin’
I thought I tagged a Cuban girl
But she was Puerto Rican

The fifth and sixth confused me
Nailed them both on one occasion
Were they Chinese or Korean?
Hell, I’ll put two checks by “Asian”

The seventh was a great big mess
A hairy place to be in
But that’s the breaks you’ve got to face
When you go European

The eighth one was a black girl
And I surely set the right mood
She told me when we finished
I was awesome…for a white dude

The list seemed to go on and on
At times my plight seemed wacky
One time I risked both life and limb
To sleep with an Iraqi

Eventually my list was full
So I made a decision
Now that I’ve slept with every race
I guess I’ll bone religion