In an interview with my mom I asked her questions and she answered them. “Hi mom, first question: Am I Alexander Hamilton?” I’m putting words here so there isn’t a back to back quote. “No Ben, you are not Alexander Hamilton.”

Oh man, guess what! It turns out Alexander Hamilton is dead. Looks like that puts the final metaphorical nail in the proverbial coffin. You see, I am alive. This breaking discovery proves that I am obviously not Alexander Hamilton. While I may through kick-@$$ parties that all my Facebook friends love, Hamilton started the Federalist party. I’m much too lazy to create anything omega-cool like that. So I’m not him. That was my conclusion.