Northern Girls vs. Southern Girls

The Civil War may have ended almost 150 years ago, but the tension between the North and South can still be seen today. It is most apparent in examining the societal differences between the girls in the North and the girls in the South. I may have grown up a Yankee in New England, but in recent years I have spent considerable time in the South culminating with a recent trip to Alabama. I feel it is my American duty to report to you some of the most notable regional differences of our American women.

1. A Southern girl goes to college to find a husband.

A Northern girl goes to college to find a job.

2. A Southern girl carries a promise ring.

A Northern girl carries a condom.

3. If a Southern girl is 22 and pregnant, it’s because she fulfilled her promise.

If a Northern girl is 22 and pregnant, it’s because she forgot to bring her condom.

4. A Southern girl pays for her breasts.

A Northern girl pays for her rent.

5. A Southern girl wants to find money.

A Northern girl wants to find love.

6. A Southern girl talks about how much she loves her father.

A Northern girl talks about how much she loves her step-father.

7. A Southern girl drinks Sweet Tea.

A Northern girl drinks Sweet Tea and Vodka..

8. A Southern girl becomes a Grandma at 30.

A Northern girl becomes a Mother at 30.

9. A Southern girl goes to church on Sunday morning.

A Northern girl goes to bed on Sunday morning.

10. A Southern girl’s dad hunts deer.

A Northern girl’s dad hunts you.

These are the stereotypes. It is in your hands to separate the fact from the fiction. No matter what your preference is in women, the differences are staggering. Abe Lincoln would be turning in his grave if he knew how little America has changed in the past century and a half. The saying “pussy is pussy” still holds true, but the only advice I give you is to stay away from sisters and first cousins. I wish you luck in finding love.