So you’d like to inject some ‘rather droll’ words into your day-to-day chitchat, but afraid you’ll come off sounding less than intelligent? Well then, do not delay! Hang that coat of yours on the rack, strike up a cigar and listen in closely – before long your sassy use of humorous words will have you courting more than your fair share of lady friends, nether-regions and all.

The trick, my young friend, is the use of what those in scholarly circles call 'Shakespeareanism'. Put simply, when you're deliberating away at the next big do and you find yourself in trouble, slyly trying to slip that verbal mickey, mask it up with a bit of Her Majesty's Ye Olde English, and no one will think the better of it. Intelligence in tact, your new found reputation as the campus comedian will make Casanova look more like a Catholic Priest.

Let’s have look at a real life example where a few funny soundin’ words coupled with a dash of Shakespeareanism can lead to some killer lady-courting:

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  Meatus /me•atus/ -noun: a natural body opening or canal

Example Conversational Exploit:
"Could thou beginnest to ponder whether a troupe of ladybeetles, thirty large, have synchronized a series of dance parties in thine's most honorable of meatus?"

After uttering such intellectual nonsense out loud, your foot will be well and truly in the door, but alas, do not digress! A few more simply divine remarks and in no time you'll be slipping that love glove out of your back pocket and onto an eager Sir Rumpilius Foreskinius:

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  Masticate /mas•ti•cate/ -verb: to chew

Example Conversational Exploit:
"It haveth emerged that when thy's incidents of mastication fall below adequate levels, the desire to ravage voluptuous vegetables does transpire, and such desires are the most cumbersome of them all."

At this point you'll be smelling the success of attained courtship, but before you and your chosen lady can sip shallow glasses of sherry and copulate the night away, you still need to seal the deal. Close your eyes, thank your Pocket Oxford Dictionary, and just go for it:

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  Kumquat /kum•quat/ -noun: a small, round or oblong citrus fruit having a sweet rind and acid pulp, used chiefly for preserves.

Example Conversational Exploit:
"Recently perchance, hath thou discovereth that such moist Kumquat between one's proverbial 'supple buns' can be ever so agreeable when thine's thirst is so satisfyingly in need of a good quenching?"

Now, sir, you're in! As part of your job as a regular day serial-Womanizer, feel free to copulate, fornicate and philander away to your portly heart's content!