| Playboy | is the poor man’s… | Sex |
| The Wall Street Journal | is the poor man’s… | Bedding |
| Nothing | is the poor man’s… | Toilet paper |
| Just not being able to find bread | is the poor man’s… | Atkins |
| Running from the police | is the poor man’s… | Workout program |
| McDonald’s | is the poor man’s… | Morton’s |
| Vodka | is the poor man’s… | Dasani |
| Rotating layers of clothing | is the poor man’s… | Shower |
| Fire hydrant that has vague feminine features | is the poor man’s… | Girlfriend |
| Luck | is the poor man’s… | Dog |
| Having a crappy day | is the poor man’s… | Having a regular day |
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