Staff Picks

105%

105% Issue #34

by 105%-O-Matic on October 1, 2007

105% – Over 1 Million You’s Served

Dinosaur Fighting Tips

- Aim for the soft under-jaw.
- Guns!
- If dinosaurs start to fade away, take more psychedelic drugs.

-Jeff Rubin

Correcting Our Kids’ Grammar in 2030

“No, no, no honey, it’s whomevs, not whoevs.”

-Streeter Seidell

I’ve stopped using condoms when I have sex. But to be safe I aim away from the keyboard.

-Tom Sunnergren

Ways in Which I Resemble Other Men Named Patrick

Patrick Stewart: Frequently seen wearing “Star Trek” uniform
Patrick Swayze: Not a working actor
Patrick Duffy: Still cry during old episodes of “Step by Step”

-Patrick Cassels

The best part about using the shower is that you never have to wipe.

-Jesse Sachs

Away Message Rape

BlakeDaMan12: Psst. Christy.
Auto Response from ChrisTyXoXo: asleep
BlakeDaMan12: I�m slowly lifting up your sheet
Auto Response from ChrisTyXoXo: asleep
BlakeDaMan12: Mmm, I�m so deep inside you
Auto Response from ChrisTyXoXo: asleep
BlakeDaMan12: You were asking for it
Auto Response from ChrisTyXoXo: shower

-Dan Gurewitch

Famous Bible Quotes with “KRORG THE IMPAILER” instead of “God”

And KRORG THE IMPAILER said take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering to KRORG THE IMPAILER upon one of the mountains which KRORG THE IMPAILER will tell thee of.

-Amir Blumenfeld

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