Fantastically Cheap Hallowwen Costume Ideas for Equally Fantastically Cheap Bastards

Halloween is right around the corner (which means Christmas shit is already up at Walmart). Here’s some tips for those cheapskates who are looking for great Halloween costume ideas for when you’re low on cash.

1. Overly stereotypical Frat guy – grab your most pastel colored polo (baby blue or Easter pink preferably) or bum one from your friend that worked at Hollister for two weeks over the summer. A pair of aviators and a randomly tilted hat help. To really lay it on, use some cardboard to make a super popped collar. If anyone asks what frat you’re in, say you’re a Phi Alpha Gamma (or PhAG, as they’re known around campus). NOTE: don’t wear this to frat houses.

2. Tampon – Wear all white. Tie a long string to the back of your belt loop. Wear a red stocking hat. Hilarity will ensue when you approach the slutty girl at the party and exclaim loudly “I’d like to help, but I’m afraid I’m not big enough!” Even more hilarity will ensue when she kicks you in the nuts.

3. Serial Killer – Take all the cereal boxes you have and cut them up, then tape/paste them to your clothes. through on some fake blood, a hockey mask, and wield a knife and you’re a hillarious walking play on words. You could take the same approach as a serial rapist, putting a cereal box over your junk. However, things can get awkward the next morning at lunch when you try and convince your roommates that “pubic hair” and “crabs” are Lucky Charms’ new marshmellow shapes.

4. Dirty Sanchez – This takes some planning. First you need to go to Chevy’s and tell them its your birthday. You’ll get the shits and a free sombrero. Then you need to get a great fake mustache (or grow one if you’re not follicley challenged). When you get to the party, roll around in the mud for a little bit then its time to “Fiesta!” If the cops come, you can hop the fence at the party and then your costume goes from hillarious to topical!

5. Judge Reinhold’s bathroom scene from “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” – probably the best one. Just get an eye patch or a pirate hat. The great thing is that you can openly and publicly masturbate to all the slutty devils and schoolgirls without feeling a hint of guilt!