Top 5 Excuses for "Sports" in Our Culture

Well, due to lack of enthusiasm and an abundance of lethargy, i have neglected to post any new blogs in quite some time. No more. As always, something crawledout of the waste of entertainment on television and up my ass. Time to extricate it. I’m refering to some of things passing as “sports” on television, and i use the phrase sports loosely. So, without further adieu, I give you, in no particular order, the 5 shittiest sports around. (shit level scaled 1-5)

1. Tennis-Shit Level 3

What the hell is Tennis’s problem? It gets all kinds of air time on major networks such as abc and nbc, is internationally played, and has beautiful female stars for men(the number 1 genre that keeps sports alive in the first place), yet it still sucks. It’s so mind numbingly repetitive. Like an overgrown game of pingpong, two players slap a ball back and forth, back and forth, until one doesnt return the volley. That’s it. No homeruns, no slamdunks, no grossly overpaid athletes, no cheerleaders. Tennis doesn’t get a shit level 4 because some of the girls playing are hot, even if they’re awful at what they do. Hot girls shouldn’t do anything except look good and study books so they can be smart when the hot wears off anyway. Maybe if buckets of beer were placed randomly around so as to simulate beer pong, tennis would get better. Probably not though. Know who watches tennis? A 76 year old lady who stocks at walmart in fayetteville does. She told me so. And thats it man. Do yourself a favor the next time tennis comes on and masturbate instead. Like, 5 times, because tennis matches are that long.

2. Ice Skating-Shit Level 5

Ice skating really takes the cake when it comes to crappy sports. The primary reason is the uniforms. I mean, you’ve got grown men out there looking like John Travolta from Urban Cowboy. They’ve got more shiny shit on them than a 3 year old beauty queen. And what kind of nance guy dreams of figure skating for a living? Personally, I’d rather work at McDonalds. Also, what’s going on with figure skating announcers? You know they drew short straw when it came time to cover sporting events for the week, yet they still manage to work up enthusiasim over this flacid event. You’d think their dicks were on permahard the way they get workedup over a triple axle. Hell, i can do a triple axle.The only cool thing is when someone faceplants on the ice, and the bastards are so good it rarely happens. Fuck em. And don’t even get me started on hockey. You can’t even tell when someone scores until the light goes off because the pucks so small. Hockey blows because canada blows, and because it’s ice skating without thedragqueen uniforms.

3. Cheerleading-Shit level -1

Ok, so this one slipped in here, but i’m not picky. Cheerleading is the most laughable sport out there. How can it be a sport when it is used to supplement other sports? That’s like saying cheese stix are a main course when you eat them as an appetizer. Since when is a dance routine physically demanding? My god man, cheerleaders get more sport in the back seat from the quarterback after a friday night win than they do all year on the sidelines. The only people who watch are horny 12 year olds and the cheerleader’s parents, and the parents only out of obligation. Nobody gets pumped up because of cheerleaders. Touchdowns do that, not basket tosses. And there’s nothing more pretentious than a popular cheerleader. All that sense of self entitlement that comes with pom poms, and it’s just because their egos need a boost. Cheerleading was invented by attention starved, morally bankrupt, bathroom puking coke fiends who, to this day, argue incorrectly that what they do is a sport. I’ve got news for you dried up cunts; just because espn televises your competitions does not mean that it’s a sport. Espn also televises spelling competitions,hotdog eating contests,and the wnba(to be discussed momentarily). Despite all this evidence, cheerleaders are hot, they know they are, and they act accordingly, thus the negative 1 shit level. Long live cheerleaders. (I advocate, though, that all cheerleaders should be mute. Keep the tongue, it’s useful, but don’t say a fucking word to me.)

4. NASCAR-Shit Level 2

Give me a break. I drive a car every day. At least I don’t go in a motherfucking circle for 4 hours. Oh yeah, and women in this sport as some type of novelty is a joke as well. Why is everyone on Danica Patrick’s dick just because she’s a girl? Can girls not drive in a circle? The bitch can’t even win. Wish I had a cooze so I were cool.

5. WNBA-Shit Level 10

The wnba (refered to in lower case for the remainder of this article do to lack of respect) is the absolute worst idea ever. They actually lost money for numerous seasons before they pulled a profit, yet were still in existence due to feminists and left wing liberals. If a bitch isn’t good enough to play with the guys, why would anyone care to see her on television with more lackluster, nappy headed hoes (thanks Imus for that gem)? They don’t dunk, they aren’t fast, the games score lower than in highschool, and they’re ugly. Not one girl who is over 6’5” will ever be hot, even to a black guy. Not one. One last point; the NBA (big capital letters for big entertainment value) just had it’s lowest year of popularity in the playoffs. If Lebron and Kobe can’t bring em in, how can the dikes do it? They just can’t, and until I see Lisa Leslie and Rebeka Lobo jerseys at Foot Locker, it won’t ever happen.(yeah, i had to look those names up. they probably don’t even play anymore. sad, the factthat this league has been around long enough for girls to retire.) I dare anyone that reads this to prove me wrong. Without cheating, tell me 3 champions of the wnba out of the last 5 years. Shit, tell me last years champ. “We got next.”? Yeah, next in line for me to donkey punch, minus the penetration. I just want to knucklefuck you in the back of the head a couple of times.

Baseball, Basketball, and Football, all men, year round. A sport during every season. Why do we insist on tampering with a good thing? Why won’t women get back in the kitchen? God in heaven, i have so many questions…