Staff Picks

Understanding Linguistics of Fellow Domicile Occupants 101

by Brock Smeenk on October 9, 2007

After four years of university, I have learned many things. I have learned how to dissect literature and provide persuasive critiques of them. I understand the psyches of Shakespeare, Milton, and Faulkner. Most importantly, I have learned the delicate subtleties of understanding roommate banter or what I call “roommate-anese”. I have compiled a list of the most popular roommate sayings and their English translations.

ROOMMATE-ANESE	ENGLISH
He/She is just someone i hang out with sometimes.	He/She is just someone I have non-commital, random sex with.
I had a really good time last night.	I got really drunk/ really stoned/ totally laid last night without recklessly embarassing myself.
We were going to go out last night but he/she had a lot of homework to get done.	I made an overly sexual advance/ said we were in a relationship and he/she is now avoiding me.
I’m sure he/she likes you, he/she is probably nervous about getting close to you, relationship-wise.	I’m trying to assure you even though I totally hooked up with that guy/girl when you were out of town.
I love this professor.	I love this professor because he marks easily/ I’ve cleverly tricked him into thinking I studied.
I’m totally staying focused on my studies this year and not procrastinating.	I’m living in a delusion that I’ll finally get my shit together and be an adult.
I didn’t eat your food.	I did eat your food.
I’m so behind on my assignments!	I stayed up all night playing x-box/ watching all the family guy dvds!
FUCK YOU!	I apologize for lashing out but I’m really stressed out now because my school work load is too heavy/ I’m broke/ My significant other is mad at me/ my parents are on my case about my grades/ I am too stoned/ I am not stoned enough. I appreciate your understanding in this time of unpleasantness. Goodbye and have a pleasant evening.