Political Tomfoolery

On Friday, Oct. 12, Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize. Evidently, creating the internet wasn’t enough; he had to warn the entire world about global warning. Thanks to Al Gore, we have now had a heads-up, eye-opening, wakeup call that should leave us all shaking in our boots. Congratulations, Mr. Gore, for making such a noble contribution to society. I personally contacted Mr. Gore to thank him for these selfless acts and during the brief conversation that ensued, Mr. Gore shared with me where his insight comes from and where his aspirations now lie. With his permission, I give you the following conversation.

JJJ: Mr. Gore, I’d like to take this moment to personally thank you for the warning about global warming. I can honestly say that I’d never heard of this problem before.

AL: I know Jed, I hadn’t either until about 2 years ago. My wife and I were sitting around with our thumbs up our ass, trying to think of something worthwhile to rally around, and she says “Al, what about the world getting all hot and shit? Isn’t that a bad thing? It must be like, 95 degrees outside. Why don’t you do something about it?” And I was all “You’re right. It is hot as f*ck around here. I’ll look into it.” Turns out glaciers are melting and something called the “Ozone Layer” is becoming depleted. I found that out on my own.

JJJ: I’m sure you did. Mr. Gore, some people have criticized you about your movie,“An Inconvenient Truth”, saying that you’re using it as a launching pad for recognition and/or a run at the 2008 presidential election. What do you have to say to your critics?

JJJ: Um… no?

AL: Good. I’m not going to then.

JJJ:

JJJ: Uh… alright then. So, Mr. Gore, what plans do you have for the near future? You seem to keep yourself very busy and I’m sure our readers would like to hear about it.

AL: Well Jed, what with the earth getting hot and all my research that I do, on the “internet”, I don’t have much time for anything. I raise sheep though. Lots of sheep.

JJJ: Sheep? Why sheep Mr. Vice President?

AL: You know, I don’t really know. Come to think of it, I don’t know where they came from either. One day I’m making an “internet”, the next day sheep are in my front yard. I just assumed I ordered them while I was high.

JJJ: (Incredulously) High, Mr. Gore?

AL: Yeah, you know, stoned, blitzed, rolling, tripping, I do it all.

JJJ: You’ve never seen marijuana before, have you Mr. Gore.

AL: …

AL: No, not really.

JJJ: Mr. Gore, before we finish here, is there anything you’d like to address or tell our readers?

AL: No. Yes. Keep your eyes open for Manbearpig. I’m super seriously you guys.

JJJ: Thank you for your time Mr. Gore. The intellectual degradation I’ve sustained at your hands is matched only by the glaring hypocrisy which you exemplify.

AL: No problem, glad to help. Who are you?