The password to every e-mail account I've ever used is "joojoobean".

Not to be outdone by that Nicholas Cage movie, I once stole then replaced the original U.S. Constitution—all in one night.

My 2005 Pontiac Sunfire is actually a Transformer named "Bulldog".

In a parallel universe, there is an entire country made of chocolate and hookers, and I am its king.

I have shaken hands with Jesus. I haven't had an outbreak since.

Due to a clerical error, I now own 50% of James Gandolfini.

My bones are made of titanium, and my muscles are made of dinosaurs.

I have six fingers on my right foot.

I can voluntarily sweat blood, at which time lightning from the gods surges through my body, setting aflame all who step in my path, as I lay waste to entire cities, shouting to the mere humans of Earth to kneel before my wrath.

I have three dogs.