This article first appeared on EasyOnTheIce.com on August 27, 2007.
Ever since I entered college way back in 2001 and perhaps even before I've wondered how it was possible that one group of people could have the stranglehold on the worst looks and fashion trends around? Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous of looking like a dipshit. But, it does make me wonder if frat boys know they look like clones and if they do does it just not bother them or do they just not know how to change it?
Even if you watch old movies from the 50's on. You can always tell who the villainous frat boys were because they looked like tools even back then. They're douchery stood out and still does to this day. Like in Animal House, granted, Delta house was a fraternity but they were the rogue fraternity the fraternity that got started because all the other fraternities were lame. I truly believe every school that has fraternities has one frat like that or that at least started like that, they are the exception. But, the rival fraternity in Animal House was full of nerdy looking fucks. This is accurate. National Lampoon movies are the true mirror of our lives.
It seems that frat boys have been this way since the beginning of fraternities. You can almost always tell if someone is in a fraternity by the way they look. It's one situation where the book is exactly what's on the cover. Now sometimes frat boys look different than other frat boys, so maybe you can't spot every frat boy. But, if it looks like a frat boy, it definitely is because no one would dress like that without some reason/influence. They just wouldn't.
Here's a rundown of some of the current lame staples of frat fashion.
Popped collar: I can't explain this. I know at some point, some rapper wrote a song that urged people to pop their collars because its almost as dynamic a move as brushing shoulders off. Apparently, the best way to show how confident you are is to rid yourself of dirt or hide your neck. I could be misinterpreting
Please tell me you get how ridiculous this looks. More if you have a prominent adam's apple. If you wear the shirt above and have an adam's apple, your neck will look like a vagina with a gargantuan clitoris. Why would you do that to yourself? Maybe it's a subconscious request for a homoerotic style of shaming where your drunk frat brother mistakes your skinny neck for a vagina and your popped collar as labia and whips out his junk and goes to town on your unconscious neck. To each their own.
Jesus sandals: I don't have a picture for these. Frankly the topic doesn't deserve one. All I know is that aside from frat boys, there are two types of people that wear this style of footwear; middle to old-aged men and toddlers. At least toddlers look cute when wearing them and they're wearing them involuntarily. If you're anywhere from 16-30 and you wear Jesus sandals, I should be allowed to pants you in public settings and/or give you swirlies because you're a geek. Sorry.
Frayed hats and/or shorts: Why? If your dog got to your hat, buy a new hat. Why wear your dog slobber on your head? If your dog got to your shorts, get new shorts. Use the old shorts as a dish towel or a garage rag, they are no longer shorts.
Don't even know what to call this:
Completely aside from looking like a greasy guido fuck, there's plenty wrong with this hairstyle. What kind of fucking hair is this? I can only imagine it started back in the day something like this
Barber: What can I do for you today?
Customer: Are you familiar with Sonic the Hedgehog?
Pooka Shells: If I spelled that wrong I am proud of myself. Pretty sure this isn't 1976. If you're rocking pooka shells and are serious you and oxygen should take a break from each other.Thank you for indulging my anger. Feel free to comment with hated frat fashion staples of your own.