The Best Offensive Is a Good Defense

Next year at the University of Arkansas all smoking will be banned on campus. Students won’t be allowed to light up and neither will teachers or faculty. The argument behind this idea is that it 1.Will provide a healthier enviroment for people, 2. Will do away with the irratating smell of smoke, and 3.Will encourage healthy lifestyle practices. There are some inherant problems with this school of reasoning. For instance, I thought that lifestyle choices were confined to the individual, not a group as a whole. Aside from marrying someone with the same sexual organs as yourself, in this country you are allowed to do whatever the hell you feel like. That being said(written), choices people make concerning their own health should be their own choices. So why then do people feel it is necessary to restrict the habits of others? It’s simple really. People think smoking is gross. If the majority believes something, then the majority has a way of making that belief into a rule (Unless, of course, we’re talking about a war or some insignificant shit like that. Smarter people than us, like presidents, make those decisions). The same thing applies to gay marriage; quite a few (I wouldn’t say most, though) believe that gay marriage is gross, so they don’t endorse it. Politicians eat this shit up. What better cause to rally ‘round than a smoke-free, de-homoginized nation? That’s what the mouthpieces would have you believe.
Sorry about that. I’m side-tracked so easily. Back to my original complaint. Assuming you disregard your own health and spark a fag anyway, aren’t you still causing other people to inhale second-hand smoke? This is the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard. Not only is smoking banned in all indoor areas around Fayetteville, AR (excluding bars), but you aren’t allowed to smoke anywhere near door entrances either. So what’s the problem? If you see someone walking down the sidewalk and you smell the smoke in passing, what harm is done? Second-hand smoke is NOT HARMFUL UNLESS YOU ARE INHALING IT IN AN ENCLOSED AREA FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME! Did you catch that? If you pass by someone and catch a wiff, you aren’t going to get cancer. The problem with second-hand smoke are those undertaker parents who smoke in their houses and cars with their children around. That’s where the deaths from second-hand smoke come from. That’s what should be illegal. Did you know that if you smoke cigarretes daily for a year and then stop that your lungs begin to rebuild with new tissue after 2 months? Yeah, that’s not very widespread knowledge.
Finally, I’d like to address everyone who says that smoke is a nuisance that non-smokers should not have to deal with. I agree with you, smoke stinks, but you know what else stinks? Arabs, and not just the fact that they hate infidels and mutilate female genitals. Most Arabs, even the ones who don’t want to kill me, smell really, really, awfull. You know that kid in elementary school who looked like Pigpen from “Charlie Brown” and smelled like your asshole’s asshole? That’s what they smell like. Now, I’m not so generality confined as to assert that all Arabs smell bad, but the majority of them do. My question is this: Why should smoking be banned to prevent people from enduring an offensive smell when stinking Arabs are allowed to enfringe upon my nostrils? If anything, ban Arabs. If I remember correctly, they are directly linked to the deaths of thousands of Americans, just like cigarettes, and they are odiforously repugnant as well.

Update: 3 minutes ago I was writing a (slightly?) racist article about Arabs. God, in all his humor, sent an intelligent Arab to me inquiring about local attractions and directions for the Fayetteville area. This man had no smell, and I don’t think he wished me dead. Once he realizes the directions I gave him take him to the city dump he might, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Regardless, I now feel a little bad. Wait for it…wait for it…almost… ok, it’s passed now. For a second my conscience almost got the best of me, but I etherized that bastard and buried him beneath my rough exterior. My beard is fuller because of it. I am all that is American.