Gary, the Homicidal Roommate

Gary is sitting in the living room, playing Halo 3, when his roommate Brent walks in and takes a seat.

Brent: Hey man, we’re out of TP.

Gary: (Sighs) I guess I’ll pick it up when I go out.

Brent: You alright?

Gary: Yeah- just one of those days.

Brent: I can dig it.

Gary: Yeah… so… How’s the family?

Brent: They’re okay.

Gary: You stay in touch?

Brent: I guess, I mean, I could always call more.

Gary: When’s the last time you talked to them?

Brent: What? Why?

Gary: No reason, just making conversation. I haven’t talked to my parents in, like, years, I think.

Brent: Oh, well, it hasn’t been THAT long. A couple days, I guess.

Gary: So they wouldn’t be concerned if, say, they didn’t hear from you for a while?

Brent: Dude, you’re acting really weird.

Gary: Haha, nah… I’m just messing around.

Brent: (Laughs uncomfortably) Oh, alright.

Gary: I watch you sleep.

Brent: WHAT?!

Gary: What’d you say? Didn’t you say something?

Brent: You’re freaking the hell outta me. (Standing up)

Gary: I’m just MESSING with you, man.

Brent: (Moving toward the door)

Gary: I want to make a suit out of your skin.

Brent: (Runs)

Gary: Pick up some TP while you’re out!