Ethan: Another week, another World Series. In honor of the looming NBA season, we're skipping and interesting fact this week in lieu of peppering the column with our favorite anecdotes about J.R. Rider. So keep on the look out for those. First, though, let's talk World Series. I thought the Rockies were unbeatable. What happened?
Ethan: Sure, Speier didn't record an out while giving up three walks, but none of those turned into earned runs. Now that's quality pitching! At least for the Rockies.
Amir: Jeff Francis was awful, just brutal through the first three innings, but he only gave up four runs in those innings.
Ethan: Why is Jeff Francis a starting pitcher? He could be making millions more by playing the lovable, nerdy friend who never gets the girl in bad teen dramas.The Rockies were still in until he gave up two more in the fourth. It's only one game, though, and they can still win the series. The same way J.R. Rider came back after spending the night in jail for throwing a milkshake through a drive-in window.
Amir: FIRE IN THE HOLE! What about Josh Beckett? Is it too unreasonable to ask him to pitch four games in a row? I mean, he will have a whole winter to rest his shoulder. How much longer until he starts for the Yankees?
Ethan: I liked that they still had him pitch seven innings in a game they were winning 13-1 after the fifth. His pitch count wasn't too high, but it was Francona admitting, "Umm I'm really only comfortable handing our middle relievers leads of 15 or more. Back out there, Beckett."
Amir: He's learning from Belichick. They should have brought Matt Cassell in to pitch. He would have given up seven runs before Francona tried to bring Beckett back in.
Ethan: If Boston hires a hypnotist to trick Beckett into thinking the regular season is all October next year, Beckett will go 35-0 with an ERA of like 1.00. It's amazing. Do you see the Rockies coming back? I feel like Jimenez could maybe stifle the Sox tonight, and that Game 4's Lester-Cook matchup is really anyone's game to win. What about you?
Amir: I really think the Rockies have to win the next four. Boston is not going to be losing game 6 or 7 at Fenway. Maybe if Manny drives like he plays baseball he'll miss the flight to Colorado.
Ethan: They just won 21 out of 22; four out of four is nothing. Let's move on to college football. Have a favorite upset from this weekend?
Ethan: Oregon's going to beat USC at home, so that's not one. Arizona State's schedule is amazing. You can almost hear the logic in making it: "Oooo we'll play a bunch of crappy teams to go undefeated and get everyone's hopes up then play Cal, at Oregon, at UCLA, and USC, then our rivalry game." They're a good team, but it's not going to be easy for them to not drop a game in there somewhere. If they run the table, though, I think they're in the title game. Who's your current title game sleeper? I'm going Mizzou. Pretty favorable schedule, only loss was to Oklahoma, and if they both make the Big 12 championship, they can avenge that one. Either Mizzou or Duke. That's how confused I am by this season.
Amir: How great would it be if Michigan ran the table, and they made it into the Championship game. Only to lose to the At-Large winner Winona.
Ethan: Hey, you know the Winona State Warriors play the most smash-mouth football in Minnesota, where, by the way, Isaiah Rider once altered a cell phone so the charges went to someone else's bill.
Amir: Who knew he was so smart
Ethan: I thought South Carolina maybe had it in them to make a run, but Head Ball Coach couldn't even get them a TD? Fans throughout the Palmetto State are sighing a dejected "click clack" right now
Amir: At least they have Uh
Ethan: How about that NFL action? Too bad about Ronnie Brown he could have taken the Dolphins to two wins this season.
Amir: I wish old running backs would get phone calls like old quarterbacks do. Ronnie Brown goes down and the next thing you know, Miami is contacting Garrison Hearst. Speaking of which, did you hear Drew Bledsoe turned down the Jags this week? That can't be good for morale.
Ethan: Napoleon Kaufman still has a lot of tread on his tires. No wonder Jax wants someone new/old. Did you see Quinn Gray on Monday night? He looked terrified. He was just throwing to whoever he saw open. Offensive player, defensive player, an open patch of ground with no one within ten steps of it he really didn't have time to be picky. Should we go ahead and apologize to our British readers for sending them the Dolphins-Giants game?
Amir: That wasn't even a good game on paper. Maybe it's a Trojan Horse. They let us in, and Michael Strahan just begins tackling members of the Parliament spitting on them. Not unlike the way J.R. Rider was suspended for spitting on a heckler in Portland.
Amir: If they could just figure out a way to put his legs onto Kyle Bollers arms or if they could shape them like an Omega, Steve McNair could use them. Either way that was a lot of fantasy points.
Ethan: Okay, got one last Isaiah Rider fact for us?
Amir: When Rider was with the Hawks, he arrived late for a game in Detroit. So rather than serve a three game suspension, he marched straight into that GM's office and asked for an outright release. If he's gonna get suspended without pay for 3 games, he might as well retire!
Ethan: Well, he was also once arrested for gambling in public once, so maybe he thought he'd support himself by shooting craps. "Hot dice! Baby needs a new 10-day contract!"
Amir: Until next week, get in line for season tickets for the new WNBA team in Atlanta. These babies are going to sell out fast!
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