Letter to lame friend with too many Facebook apps on his page

Bro-mo,

Here is a list of things that you should do to rid your page of gayness. The quad is starting to talk…

• 
  Walls. There should be one. Now there’s like 30. And if I wanna tell you that I “fucked that girl you’re diggin” I have to download their specific wall. Hmm.. Which background says “Sorry Jason, I backdoored that girl you’re always talking about?” I think the bright tropical fishies will do
• 
  VS. Apps. Haha. Clever. “You’re a Pirate I’m a Ninja. But wait… You’re also a vampire and a werewolf and a SITH and a slayer and a zombie and a…” Just be one. C’mon, it takes your page 38 minutes to load.
• 
  Looks app. Insecurity reers its ugly face. You have 8 hot or not/sexy friends/likeness whatever apps on your page. Facebook will never hide the fact that you smell your hand after you wipe your ass. While you and SarahStinky Puss go back and forth with naughty gifts I’m out contracted population std’s with hot drunk college girls. Shame on you.
• 
  Movies. You gave 8 mile 4 stars? Pussy.
• 
  SuperPoke!. 80% of these are from guys.. And they all wanna ejaculate on you. Nice one Bukkake.
• 
  Drinks. How about you fetch me a real drink rather than sending me a glass of wine. Everyone knows I like my wine in a box. Above my head. With people chanting. Guys named Colton gave you sex on the beach. The way it sounds he gave it to you from behind.
• 
  Dane Cook App. Go figure, everything does end in “!”
• 
  Naughty Gifts. Everyone keeps giving you special brownies. There is nothing “special” about a pixel brownie. Get with the times dude, In todays society, we freebase.
• 
  What is your Stripper Name? Your name? Probably “Fired McWelfare” you ugly piece of seagull excrement.
• 
  Horoscopes…. And your refusal to take it off your already homo page
• 
  Smack Talk. Dude, Notre Dame sucks. Drop it.